We Almost Made It
by Holz9364
Summary: Lucius and Narcissa almost made it. They almost loved each other enough. They almost managed to save their son from the fate the dark lord had planned for him. Almost. [ALSO UPLOADED ON A03 UNDER NAME 'Holz9364']. M for language & sexual themes.
1. Narcissa

**We Almost Made It**

 **Part 1: Narcissa**

 _ **A/N: Based on this tumblr post by 'boxerharry';**_

" _ **Narcissa getting drunk on red wine and talking shit about Lucius to the house elves while hes at death eater meetings."  
**_

* * *

Everyone had a vice. For some people it was whiskey, for others it was Quidditch, for some it was a long draw from a cigarette. For Narcissa Malfoy it was red wine, _expensive_ red wine. She used to have people to share that wine with, to share her problems with but the people that she cared about were slowly disappearing.

"I have literally nobody to speak to," Narcissa said, her words a little slurred as she sat on a bench in the large kitchen in the basement of Malfoy Manor, "I used to have friends you know, four of them. They were my dorm mates for 7 years, _7 years_."

The two house elves who hadn't been set free by Harry Potter nodded as they listened intently.

"They all married men to men who became Death Eaters like my _Husband_ ," Narcissa practically spat the word, "Almina committed suicide when Avery went to Azkaban...Lareina she married Cygnus Greengrass and they were both killed when he defected. As for Hyacinth Parkinson, well she's just jealous that my Husband is more of a vindictive murdering bastard than hers and don't even get me _started_ on Violetta Rosier!"

The house elves nodded, watching Narcissa with wide eyes. She refilled her wine glass and threw the third empty bottle into the bin.

"And then there is the matter of my sisters. Ugh, my _sisters_! I actually liked Dromeda, she was my best friend when we were little. Hogwarts got so much better when she got there, but then she had to go and get herself disowned for falling in love with a muggle-born. I used to hate her for that, you know?"

The female elf nodded.

"But now I think she might have had the right idea. There's a war coming and she's probably standing in better stead than _I_ am. But oh wait, I better be careful what I say! I can't insult the dark lord! Oh bad Narcissa, talking badly of our bloody darkest, most fantastic saviour! Saviour? He's a murderer, he's an animal! He's torturing my son and Lucius is doing nothing to stop him!"

The male elf subtly topped up Narcissa's wine glass as the female elf continued to listen intently and nod.

"Then there's dear Bella. I used to love Bella, she was my older sister and she had my back once. It's not her fault that she doesn't anymore, a person can only take so many years of abuse before they snap. I don't know what drove her more insane, the cruciatus curses he used on her when she pissed him off, or the imperius curses he used on her to force her to obey! I'm not surprised he's one of the dark lords right hand men, Rodolphus Lestrange is just as sick as he is!" Narcissa hissed, taking a deep drink from her glass of wine.

As she set it back down she sighed, and tears shone in her eyes, "Merlin, I don't know where I went wrong! If I could go back and pinpoint that one mistake that led me down this path I would change it all. Look at this life I'm leading, my husband is in Azkaban and he'll be released soon. The dark lord will want his servant back no doubt! When he is he will mark my son, to _spite_ him! All to spite Lucius! Why couldn't I have fallen in love with a decent man? I _wish_ I hadn't laughed in my Mother's face when she suggested that I marry my cousin Sirius now! But he's dead, Bellatrix killed him like the good little assassin that she is!"

"More wine Mistress Cissy," The male elf squeaked, topping up her now empty glass.

But Narcissa was no longer paying attention to the wine as she stared at the opposite wall tearfully, "Sometimes I wonder what drew me to Lucius. Maybe it was because he was a couple of years older, or maybe it was because he was so handsome. He had a certain allure, and his sense of humour matched mine. But had I known what he would become...but Salazar knows that he wasn't always like this! He was a good Husband for a while, and he was almost a good Father. He nearly loved Draco enough, but he wanted him to be like him. He expected too much of him and I fear that the dark lord will too..."

She let her head fall into her hands, "He was almost a good man, he just lacked one vital trait."

"What trait Mistress Cissy?" The female elf asked.

"Bravery," Narcissa said in a whisper, "My husband is a coward. He can't say no to the dark lord because he is terrified of him. Sometimes I wonder if he agrees with what the dark lord makes him do. Sometimes I let myself think that maybe there is some humanity in him still. But he has killed people, he has committed disgusting crimes and he will stand by and watch while that same fate is forced upon his son! All because he is a coward!"

Narcissa was breathing heavily as she looked up. Her once beautiful face was more haggard than normal, her hair was a little limper. Her face was stained with tears as she pushed the wine glass away and whispered, "I have made so many mistakes in my life, and sometimes I wonder if I will ever make them right. I mean, look at me. I'm sitting here telling my house elves my problems because there is not a single living person who cares about me."

"That's not true, Mother."

Narcissa smiled sadly at her son as he stepped into the kitchen in his pyjamas. He looked so frail and young in his old Puddlemere United pyjamas. It was a far cry away from the suits and dress robes he had been wearing, he had been trying to look like his Father. He had been trying to _be_ his Father, he felt that he needed to step up and take on that role.

"Sit Draco," Narcissa said softly, patting the bench beside her.

Draco sat down tentatively and Narcissa said to the female elf, "Dinky, get Draco a cocoa please. With cream and sprinkles on the top."

"I'm too old for cream and sprinkles Mother," Draco said with a pointed look.

"No sweetheart, don't sign your childhood away so quickly," Narcissa said quietly.

Draco sighed but nodded to Dinky. The elf nodded and walked towards the other side of the kitchen. Draco glanced back up to his Mother, "Mother, are you alright? You have been drinking an awful lot lately and I'm worried about you."

"That's sweet of you darling," Narcissa said as she reached out and stroked his hair, "I am so glad you stopped slicking it back. You looked so uptight."

Draco sighed and pushed her hand away from his hair, "Mother, you're drunk."

"And why shouldn't I be?" Narcissa asked hopelessly, "What do I have to be sober for? Your Father is in prison and if the dark lord gets his way it will be where you will end up. He has taken everything from me Draco, he has taken my sisters, he has taken my husband. He cannot take my son."

Draco frowned, "I'll still be own person, even if he marks me."

"No," Narcissa said, "Once that mark is on your arm he controls you. He _owns_ you. You become his slave."

Draco looked down at the table and his voice broke as he said, "I'm scared, Mother."

"I know you are," Narcissa whispered, pulling him closer to her so that she could hug him, "And I'm scared too, Draco. I am a terrible Mother, what kind of Mother fails to protect their own son?"

Draco shut his eyes tightly, "Mother, this isn't your fault."

"Yes it is," Narcissa whispered, "I should have seen this coming. I should never have married your Father, this was never your fight. This was never your war, I only wish that I could shield you from it. You don't want to become one of his disciples, do you?"

"I want to make Father proud," Draco said weakly, "And I think this might."

Narcissa shook her head, "Nothing will make him proud. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for him, his expectations have always been too high, Draco. Please do not do this for him, do not do it all."

"I don't think I'll have a choice Mother," Draco said quietly.

"Then run," Narcissa said, "Run away and stay gone until it is all over."

"I can't just run away," Draco said tearfully, "This is my home, I belong here. I won't leave."

Narcissa sighed and shut her eyes, "If you become your Father then I truly have failed."

"I'm sorry," Draco said quietly, "I always knew I was a disappointment to him, but I never wanted to be a disappointment to you."

"The only way you could become a disappointment to me is if you become a murderer," Narcissa said, her eyes locking onto her sons, "If that were to happen, you would most definitely be a disappointment."

Draco nodded and swallowed hard, "Come on Mother, you have to go to bed."

Narcissa's eyes were drooping shut as she sat at the table. She gave a small nod and let Draco help her up. He struggled up the stairs with her and eventually managed to deposit her in her bed. He sighed and pulled the covers over her, kissing her on the cheek, "Goodnight Mother," he murmured as he trudged upstairs to his own bedroom.

He curled up in bed, pulling his knees as close to his chest as he possibly could. His face was scrunched up, and his throat hurt as he tried to conceal his sobs. He tried to conceal his fear because his Father had always said that it was a weakness, that showing you could _feel_ was a weakness. But he couldn't hide it anymore, his Father was gone and his Mother was falling apart. He was entirely alone. He was barely 16 years old and he was basically in charge of this family. He let the sobs wrack his body, he let the salty tears fall from his eyes and soak his pillow.

He was not ready for this. He was not ready for any of it, and he was terrified.

 **END OF PART 1.**


	2. Lucius

**We Almost Made It  
**

 **Part 2: Lucius**

 _ **A/N: Based on this tumblr post by 'constantneverland';**_

" _ **What's the saddest word in the English language?**_

 _ **Almost.**_

" _ **Why?"**_

 _ **I was almost good for her. She was almost in love with me. We almost made it."**_

 _ **Also, this is sort of a companion fic to the Narcissa's back story fic. It's a part 2, if you will but both can be read alone as well**_

* * *

The worst thing about Azkaban was not the disgusting, dirty water. It was not the freezing cold cells. It was not the lack of hot or even warm water. It was not the flea ridden beds or the slop that was classed as food.

No, the worst thing about Azkaban was the loneliness. It was the dementors and the effect that they had on a person. They sucked away all happy thoughts and all happy memories. As a result all Lucius Malfoy could think of as he sat in his cell, was how he had made a mess of his life.

He shivered as the rain came in sideways through the tiny slat of a window. The wind howled outside and the moth eaten blanket that he had to keep himself warm was barely keeping the chill out. He had his eyes shut tightly as the ice cold chill of the dementors penetrated his mind. He could only think of those he loved and where they were now. He knew that Narcissa would not cope well with this separation, not at a time like this.

He could only hope that she was not being punished. Lucius had failed the dark lord, he had been caught and he had been imprisoned. His failure would be punished, but the dark lord could not punish him directly, not now that he was in Azkaban. He could however hurt the only two people on this earth that Lucius loved. He had seen terrible things happen to the wives of Death Eaters who had defected. He had seen them become a toy for the rest of the Death Eaters to play with, he had seen them being tortured in the worst ways. He felt sick at the thought of his beautiful, elegant, graceful wife being treated that way. He was physically sick when he thought of Draco being forced to watch such a heinous crime. He could only think that he had almost been good enough for Narcissa. If only he had made a few less mistakes back then, maybe they might have gotten through this.

Lucius's mind then turned to Draco. His handsome little boy had now become his strong, proud son. Draco was already a far better man than Lucius had ever been. His reign of terror had begun when he was at Hogwarts. He had not seen it for what it was then, he did not understand that the way he treated 1st and 2nd years was foreshadowing of the monster he would become at the hands of the dark lord.

Draco was a far more sensitive soul, and he always had been. Lucius had always thought that made him weak, he had always called him soft. He needed a strong heir, someone just like him. However as this war raged on he realised quite how much he wanted Draco to become the opposite of him. He did not want his son to live the life that he had led. It was a life of lies, treachery and murder. He could not bear for Draco to become like him, for Draco to make all of the same mistakes that he had.

He hoped that Draco was not capable of that. He didn't think that he was capable of murder, he had cried when his owl had died just last year. That boy could not murder a muggle-born, he could not do the things that the other Death Eaters liked to do to muggle women. Draco was different, he was better than him.

Lucius only wished that he had acknowledged that more. Somewhere at the back of his mind there was the tiniest fragment of hope trying to force through the haze of depression that the dementors cast over him. He hoped that he would be broken out of here by the dark lord, he expected that he would be. It had happened before, after all. He did not know how long it would take for that to happen, and he did not know if it would happen in time for him to save Draco.

He expected that the dark lord had a plan to punish his son. He also expected that he would not be released until that plan was well into motion. Lucius sobbed into his knees, pulling them up tighter to him. Why had he been unable to show Draco how much he loved him when it mattered? Why had he not realised quite how bad a Father he had been to that child until it was too late?

He had so many regrets. He wished he could just turn back time. He wished that he could go back to the initial happy years of marriage he shared with Narcissa. He wished they had stayed in France where he had been working at the time. He wished Draco had been raised there, then there wouldn't have been any Hogwarts and any of this Potter arch-enemy nonsense. He would have gone to Beauxbatons, he would have been sheltered from all of this.

Because at the end of the day, all Lucius had ever wanted was to protect his family. He had wanted to stop Draco from going through everything that he had gone through. He wanted to protect his wife from the humiliation he feared she would suffer. He loved her, Merlin he loved Narcissa so much. She had only gotten more beautiful as the years went on, and he was still _just_ holding onto those happy memories from when she was pregnant. She had truly glowed with happiness, and Motherhood had suited her so much. He could feel his happiest memory being sucked out of him the harder he tried to hold onto it. The trees became fog, the sun in the sky was taken away. The lake that he had been swimming in with Narcissa and his 4 year old son was turned to ice.

He sobbed painfully, Lucius doubted that he would ever be able to undo these mistakes. He had no idea of the mess he would step out into when he finally got out of Azkaban. All he could do to hold onto his sanity in this horrific place, was hope and pray that his wife and son would be there. He could only try and imagine their faces, he knew Narcissa like the back of his hand. He could almost smell her perfume as he thought of embracing her once more. He could see the look of surprise dawning in Draco's eyes when he hugged him and told him that he was proud.

That was all Lucius had left, _hope_ and regret. Regrets about the fact that he had almost been a good man. He had almost been a good husband. He had _almost_ been a good Father. He has _almost_ been able to save them.

With every passing day the hope died and the regret consumed him. His sobbing grew louder, and he whispered, "If anything is out there, if anyone is up there keeping watch over me then please do one thing for me," he breathed, "please keep my family safe. Do whatever you want to me, but keep them safe. Let them survive this, please."

A loud crack sounded from above and lightning flashed through the sky. Lucius wasn't sure if it was a good sign or a bad sign, but it was clearly a sign and maybe it would help him hold onto that hope for another day or so.

It was all he had. _They_ were all that he had.

 **END OF PART 2.  
**


End file.
